This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations

Gsusking-At-gmail.com

angeloisking-At-hotmail.com

Friday, December 31, 2004



As of right now, I am sitting on hold. I hate being on hold.
When I call someone, and they as me "please hold" I say "no." this confuses people, they are so used to people bowing to them and holding as long as it takes. Today is a bit different, as I am on the phone with the company that provides service to my cell phone.
As it seems they have fucked up somewhere. Cause once again I am not getting any service on my cell. I was on it all day yesterday, and everything was fine. Then I lost the phone in my basement for like half and hour, and was really pissed, I was ripping my house apart looking for it, in a semi-manic rage when I remembered "you left it in the basement you brainless junky"
so I took it back upstairs to my fortress of solitude at turned off scarface, which has been playing on my home theater systems on loop for 24 hours.
Its new years. God I am doing the same thing was last year at this time: getting ready for collingwood.
what a fucked up year I have had.
tomorrow or the next day's post will be very good. I going to do a semi-brief synapses of the last year of my life. 100% truth, its gonna be interesting. Im sure some of you have been waiting for the absolute truth from this mysteryman.

killed softly at 12/31/2004 01:09:00 PM
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Thursday, December 30, 2004



Yesterday was masta's birthday. What a great guy he is. He went to the strip club, unfortunatly i couldnt join him. He came home brandishing the newest pair of panties he has recieved from a stripper.
he is insane, if you see him, keep your distance.
Happy bday matt. true blue friend.

killed softly at 12/30/2004 01:04:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

"Being a loser is the new cool"


So I am sitting here at my desk writing, whilst I listen to a piece by the wonderful Ludwid Van. I love this song to death, but the problem is that, when you buy a new computer, they give you some 'sample' music to listen too that is preloaded onto the machine before it ever reaches your hands. This so called 'sample' music is only a minute or so long, and cuts off right at my favorite part of the song. As you can tell I am pissed of. This was going to be a post about how I am starting to appreciate the piano and classical musical again. About how much I love waking up to a beautiful symphony to start my day off right, to add a bounce in my step. But instead, cheap, shitty micro-soft(ha, sounds like a porn) has decided to ruin my night/day because they cant put the whole song on the computer. Why only put 1 min? Why bill gates?

So get this, I tried to post something yesterday, and it didn't work. So here is it is :

Sun. Dec. 26/04
So get this, one year ago, today almost to the exact hour(aprox 4pm EST) my boy masta, and I were out for a boxing day cruise(aka looking for a joint, and being idiot). We were coming down this stupid street that has speed humps(a less the bright idea by the residents of said street) on it that are ment to make it a so called 'traffic calmed area' that is some serious snob terminology.
So back to the story we come up to this traffic light. It was green, there was a truck infront of us making a left turn, we waited behind to make the same left turn. The pick up drove through and we followed. I never saw the car heading straight for me. The next thing I can remember is the car being smoky and cloudy with the dust from the airbag. I jump out of the car to see that the dude had hit the front right tire of masta's subaru and hat taken out half the hood. I was within feet of dying. We waited around and the cops came and took their reports and charged masta for being an idiot. I was severely shaken up and had a bag of dope on me whilst talking to the cops, lemme tell ya I was sweating like a whore in church. This almost same thing happened to me a few weeks later while dropping masta off at the airport. This time I stashed the dope in the snow and went hunting for it afterwards. In both occurrences my friends cars were written off.
Ever since then I have been the most paranoid passenger( because I don't have my license but that is a whole other story.).


click this pic for a great song, covered by a talented artist.


So on Sunday night I went to go and see "meet the fuckers" or whatever. It was good, till I fell asleep. Man its strange all the movies I have gone to lately, I have totally passed out during. I really enjoy movies, I love to get sucked in by a great film. I don't understand why my brain just turns off as soon as I sit down in the movie theater's chair. Its like they play subliminal messages that make you fall asleep or something. The sound is so loud in there, but I seem to sleep like a baby. They are forcing me to do so, I know and feel it. They just want people to fall asleep and miss the movie, so that they will have to come back tomorrow, or whenever and watch it again. Damn you movie theaters, why? Why damn you?

ok that's enough bitching for now. Check you on the flip.

killed softly at 12/28/2004 01:37:00 AM
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Saturday, December 25, 2004

"I can tell that we are going to be friends"


Christmas time, is a time when friends and family get together, get wasted, fight over the last glass of egg nog, and exchange gifts.
Exchanging gifts is my least favorite part of the holiday season. You can think I am just saying this because im looking for an alternative lifestyle, or because of a bitter angstful childhood. But really I am rebelling against the molds of society.
Why are we forced to buy gifts for people you don't really care about. I can think of two reasons:
Reason A) They bought you a gift.
Reason B) They are so hurting that you are forced into buying them something they really need, or want. But don't really deserve.



Damn Christmas making me so bitter. I am so tired of these commercial holidays where we are suckered in by huge multi-media companies that invented the holiday in the first place just to suck people dry in every month of the year. Whats next? Valentines day. What a crock of loving bullshit.
After that comes Easter when a bunny comes and lays what other then chocolate eggs.
followed by mothers day, fathers day, secretary day. Fuck when is Angelo Day. That is what I am waiting for.
Im going to start a huge multi-media company like fox news or something and make an Angelo Day. A holiday on my b-day. Where people do nothing but complain about how lame the day actually is.

HA.



So then, in the last week I have met cool people, partied way to hard, and fell on the ice. Imagine what I could do if I still had all my brain cells. I love partying with old friends at the watering hole. Watching them all get drunk/fucked up, while I sit in my corner booth relaxing, listening to time tic by.

my friend James know what he is talking about.

killed softly at 12/25/2004 01:56:00 PM
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004






Sometimes you are just a 'giffen curve' or at least that is how i feel.

I really want to start turning my photos into comic strips. I figure it should be really easy, i am just really lazy.
Its almost christmas time, and today i am going shopping for my new winter jacket.
Something from the here should suffice.



Ive got serious writers block, the holiday season is taking its toll on my in a large way, i am balding, and getting grey hair. I hate my life.

killed softly at 12/22/2004 11:20:00 AM
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

A better story for you (written on the bus).
By:A*****

There once was a man unlike any other. His name was Royal. He lived very far away from other people; this seclusion he said helped him grow his perfect strawberries. He was the only person in the whole world that knew how to grow strawberries, and so by default they were perfect. He was also very old, and had been alive as long as anyone could remember. He had a huge plot of land, and all he grew on it was strawberries. When they were ripe, people would travel impossibly far distances to obtain them. Sometimes people would begin traveling six months in advance, so as to ensure a place in the line. He allowed one small basket per person. He was unswayed by tears, pleadings, and anything of the sort. He served them on a first come first serve basis. He found that this system worked, and stuck with it. He did not much care for people only strawberries.
Some thought that he must be very lonely, they were wrong of course. The reason that he was the only person, who knew how to grow strawberries, was because he had an extra ear, just inside his regular ears, so small, it was almost imperceptible. What he heard in this inner was the strawberries speaking to him in their sweet and melodic language. Since he had been alive as long as anyone could remember, it is impossible to recount the story of the first strawberry if such a thing ever existed. So he was not lonely, he felt overwhelmed by the voices all around him. The only time he ever got nay peace was in the winter, when the frost had silenced his beloved berries. He was always happy for the first few days of this, but soon he began to pine for their plaintive voices and melodic chatter. But he was never disconcerted, for he knew without fail that they would begin to whisper in his ear soon enough.
The day that everything changed was like any other day in his life, until of course the thing happened. The sun rose and he with it, together they gazed over the ripening berries. At midday, the most primal time of day, the thing happened. He was tending to two rather plump berries and was so engrossed in their mindless chatter, that he without noticing he crushed three perfect baby berries. He saw their unrippened blood oozing from them and his heart broke. In all the time that he had tended to the berries he had never allowed one to be trodden or over ripened, they were so loved. He stared and stared at the squashed berries. He knew then that he was unfit to tend to any of the other berries for he had failed his duty to those three. How could he in good conscious go on to care for them, when the same carelessness which had killed their brethren might fall on them. With a heavy head and heart, he packed up his belongings and left that place. He set off towards the east; no one knows what became of him.
At the time when the berries ought to have been ready for distribution, the line which began weeks in advance of the actual date had already formed. The people waited and waited. The time came and passed and still they waited until one day the people simply walked up unto his property to find out where their strawberries were. When they reached the crest of the hill and looked down unto the fields a terrible sight met their eyes. Everywhere where berries, rotting, unpicked, laden with terrible looking bugs. The people ran away in fear. Many people still would go and line up waiting in the usual place waiting for Royal and his berries to return. Some gave up hope almost immediately; it will take years of disappointment to beat the hope out of some. Either way there are no more strawberries anymore.

killed softly at 12/21/2004 01:36:00 PM
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Monday, December 20, 2004

A Lovers Guide for First Timers
By Ber




Finding that special someone to hold your sweaty hand while you walk down the street or calm you down when you've done too many drugs can be a magical thing. Love though, as fantabulous as it can be, is an angry bitch and not in the way your sweet girlfriend became an angry bitch that time she caught you playing hide the salami with the neighbor-girl. Maintaining a solid and fulfilling relationship is hard because there are always bumps along the way. It's all in how you deal with these bumps which determines whether your relationship will become stronger, or if you should start thinking of ways to believably deny the rumors your soon-to-be ex will spread about your less than Christian bedroom behaviour.
Here are some common problems encountered by people who, for some reason I'll never understand, choose to have actual relationships with other people instead of randomly screwing friends and co-workers without the slightest desire to date them.




CHEATING
Considered to be one of the worst things you can do in a relationship even though everyone does it at least a couple times in their lives. For years soulless advertising executives have been trying to bottle whatever hormone it is that makes us think that one hot night of forbidden fucking is worth begging for forgiveness like poor cancer patients in the US beg for treatment.
Most people will tell you to dump a cheater immediately, but that's like giving away your dog after he pees on your rug for the first time. What you really want to do is teach that bitch a lesson. There are many different ways to make a cheater feel even worse than they already do, assuming of course they do feel badly and you're not dating a robot. For example, telling them you don't think you could ever trust them again and then having them buy you lots of sparkly gifts out of guilt is great, as is sleeping with all their friends. However, if you really want to make them regret their deed simply start freaking out and tell them you heard whatever skank they got it on with definitely has AIDS. The test for AIDS can't be done for about 3 months after sleeping with someone and for guys at least, it’s a little less painful then getting burned alive. Then buy yourself two cookies. You deserve at least two after what you've been through.



INSECURITY
Your significant other loves to pretend that insecurity is a terrible trait, but you're too sly to fall for that. If you don't act concerned about where they went, who they talked to and whether or not they think that feisty cashier at AUS SNAX is hot, how will they know you care?
GIRLS - to show your devotion to even the minutest of details asks 100s of questions about everything your boyfriend does outside of your presence. Cry hysterically if he seems annoyed and accuse him of not loving you.
GUYS - no one can resist a bad boy so beating people up for looking at your girl is key. Plus, women can't be trusted and need a reminder of what will happen if they ever leave you. The way to make your lover feel like the special lady she is is to view every potentially sexual act as a threat, even if it’s just a hug. Hey, if her 80 year old grandma can't take it she shouldn't be dishing it out.



ARGUING ALL THE TIME
There comes a point in every relationship where things your significant other does, things that wouldn't bother you if done by anyone else, makes you want to kill them. For those of you who didn't know, killing is illegal in this country, and excuses like that they told really lame jokes all the time or sorta hit on your best friend while drunk just won't cut it. An alternative to murder is necessary.
It's a commonly held belief that animals learn best through positive and negative reinforcement. If your lover insists on calling you 'snoopy poo' in public simply dump your ashtray on their pillow. Girlfriend gossips too much about your love life? Steal her diary and hand out photocopied exerts on the Arts steps. Boyfriend thinks making farting noises is hilariously funny? Cut the break line in his Buick. It's all about give and take.



SEX
Bad sex life? HAHAHAHAHA......Sorry. Guys, while rich girls are always hot and, well, rich, they have never had to be good in bed. So it's very likely that she will just lie limp, or multi-task and catalog shop. For a good quick fix tell them about the insane wild sex you and your middle class ex used to have. She'll never allow herself to be outdone by a 'normie'. Girls, cheat on your small dick boyfriends. You're going to anyway, drop the bullshit.



GROWING APART/BOREDOM
You used to spend every Saturday night playing Scrabble together and now he's into pictionary. Who is this person? You start to wonder. Of course you're talking to yourself here since you're a nerd who plays Scrabble every Saturday night. Nevertheless, feeling like you've grown apart or are getting bored of your partner is a serious problem in long term relationships.
Solution: it's time to break up. Sorry but seriously, who wants to be with someone boring? Dump them before they dump you and get the upper hand by telling everyone you loved your ex but realized there's more out there and you have to find it. Then stuff your pockets full of rubbers and see if you can't make some new friends, or get some grades raised, until you get bored and want a moldable pet again.

Speaking from experience, these rules must be followed strictly and accurately because, quite frankly, they work. Try them out on the AUS cashier with short hair. She's got a good track recorded and is now, offically, vd free.


Originally Published in The Red Herring

killed softly at 12/20/2004 02:33:00 PM
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So last night I had a run in with the ever popular Sarah. She was with my friend Austin, and some others at a chirstmas party. They called me and i told them to come to C lounge, which was were my friends and i where.
She entertained me greatly, again saturday night, she came back with me to my hotel room with her friend and her teacher. They didnt want to stay so sarah had to take them home.
The party went on all night on saturday. Around 4 am the Guvernment Go Go dancers showed up and the place started getting fun, and loud.
I cant really write that well right now, im sorry sarah. i will do better next time.

killed softly at 12/20/2004 02:36:00 AM
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Saturday, December 18, 2004

Well, well well, right now i have a gun to my head and am being forced to type this. I cant really type under presure, but i will try.
So i am being forced to write about her, i would have done it with out the gun to my head, but she is just using for insurance.



Now she is getting the rope out and is threating to time me up and leave me here to rot, if i dont type faster. About a week ago, i recieved a random email from her, asking me if my site was all lies, i explained that it is all true to a degree. She seemed super intelegent, well spoken and beautiful. I dont understand why she would want to get mixed up with a guy like me.



We both suffer from insomnia so we talked all night on msn, i made the mistake of telling her my hotel room number. Cause when i woke up this morning she was hovering over me telling me to 'wake up', i was scared shitless. How the fuck did she get in here i thought? Why the hell would she come here? Then it all became crystal as she pulled out her 22 and told me to get outta bed. "but im naked" i said
"does it look like i care" she responded. So now i sit here nakid typing out my little story of today. Im starting to get scared she seems unstable, and is starting to drink directly from the texas mickey of belvedere that we had on ice for tonights party.



I dont know what is going to happen next but now she is handcuffing me and making me turn off the computer. I have to publish this first i explain. "yeah you better" she says "it will probably be the last thing you write."

goodbye all.

killed softly at 12/18/2004 04:15:00 PM
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Thursday, December 16, 2004



"The skilled general forms others yet is without form"
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War. Chapter 8: The Solid and The Empty


You dictate the enemy;s form and manifestation while remaining formless yourself. they cannot predict you, cannot prepare against you. In this way you form them. This is the height of skill.




What happens, when you have a really kick ass hotel room for a specific reason, then that reason doesn't happen?
Ill tell you what you do, you throw: The First Annual Gsusking Christmas Party Invitational. So this evening, I will be hosting a party. I don't really want to call it a Christmas party, I would rather call it a seasonal party. But that just doesn't flow of the tongue as well.



So today I am planning planning planning, and canceling, ect. ect. It seems all to rushed, but as is with everything I do, I walk in totally unprepared, then rely on the horseshoe strategically placed in my ass to get me through everything.



Wish me luck everyone.

killed softly at 12/16/2004 01:14:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004



The van comes to a halt, and we all jump out. Most of the guys start to piss in the parking lot. It was colder then an Eskimos boogers so I didn't want to waste any time getting to the club.


We get in, and it seems the have made some changes since I was last here. The seated sections is now covered with curtains and has a nice fireplace inside. We all sit down, almost 10 guys in a club that seems to be filled with other guys. It is still early, so I am not to worried. I know it is industry night, and the strippers and hot bartenders will be walking in the door soon.
Austin had invited some friends of his from in the city, and the music was starting to get good, it looked like the beginning of a great night.
The army showed up, in full uniform, and one of the army women was Michael Jackson. For real Michael Jackson, fully dancing as soon as she walked in the door, until the second she left. Conor had a heart to heart with the paratroopers on the roof top, he went on for hours and hours about how much he respected them, and loved them for not agreeing with war in Iraq, even though technically, it wasn't in anyway their decision not to fight.


I met a girl named Sarah, that completely entertained me for the evening. Not only was she hilarious, she was to beautiful for words. She told me how she is going to Panama over the christmas break, and I let her know how jealous I was, and how I had always wanted to go there, but my one attempt of going failed miserably. It was a love/hate relationship. She loved to hate me, and I hated to love her. I let her take some pictures with my camera, laughed as she took a picture of Michael Jackson, and the old dude with an underbite. We smoked a lot of smokes, and tried to get interviewed by this really strange newspaper dude from Kansas. He was to strange for us so we went inside. She told me she didn't like dance music but I asked her if she wanted to come to afterhours and party some more anyways. She wanted to come, as did her cute friend Bianca. We all pile into cabs and head down the street to the after hours. I get out run up to the door and of course it is closed. Sarah and Bianca decided to go home as it was getting late. Austin and I wondered around the streets, waiting for our ride home. We got home and watched movies all night and played war with a deck of cards with only 25 cards in it.



It was a greatly entertaining night, the loaner minivan served its purpose. Sarah you are great.
That is all.

killed softly at 12/14/2004 01:20:00 PM
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Monday, December 13, 2004



*knocks the dust off laptop*
i havent been here in a while. Yawn, late sunday night, this is when my brain usually goes into overdrive, thinking about all the things i have to get done in this week ahead. Being so close to christmas doesnt make it any easier. I went to go and see oceans 12 tonight, but i feel asleep during the previews, and i didnt wake up till it was over, my date as you can guess, was not impressed.
I bought these new jeans today, they are so tight you could read the date off a penny in my pocket. I think i am going to have to stuff some socks down there, to make it look like i have a discustingly huge bulge.



ha, sometimes i am so stupid i make myself laugh.
This weekend my friend liz came home after spending a year down unda. She is still the same, a funny, cute, caring drunk. I really enjoyed seeing her, and talking with her about all the fun times she had. Shelly had a party for her and everyone there was all wasted and wanted to play pool so we went and we played.



I bought myself a new cd today, i havent done that in so long. I cant get enough of it. I am going to write a review of it tomorow on music-snob, so everyone check there tomorow. ya heard





killed softly at 12/13/2004 01:59:00 AM
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Friday, December 10, 2004



That is what I look like when I am happy. Makes you wonder what I look like when I am pissed off. I live 90% of my life in a bitter state. The counter on my site is busted so I am pissed off about that also. But there is nothing really that you can do about it.



Friday, wow, already?! Today is my friend Connor's bday. He was in the movie Billy Madison, "you're out! O'Doyle rules" was his line. He is 19 today, so he can finally come out to the bars and be legal.



People seem to love these little green pills, with there cute little candy shell. I have never tried them, and most likely never will. These things are spreading through the lower states like wild fire. People would step over their own mother just for a quarter of a pill. That kinda makes me sad. Sad in a bad way.



This time around I am doing things very differently. I don't trust women what-so-ever, and if you are a male, smart, and reading this; you shouldn't trust women either. It kinda sucks, cause every relationship I am in there is a complete lack of trust. I really wish I could change that about me. I wish I could love someone with out thinking they are going to fuck me over some how. Its almost unfair, I should not be allowed to date anyone. But really, I cant be blamed for the lack of trust I show. Basically every girl I have dated has fucked me over in one form or another. The last girl I was with, called me and told me I gave her the clap. But really she had been fucking some other dude, and she had almost givin it to me. There are other stories for other girlfriends, but I will save them for a day I have nothing to write about.
Truthfully the lack of trust stems from my mother, but that is also a story for another day.

killed softly at 12/10/2004 01:02:00 PM
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Thursday, December 09, 2004



So I talked to my doctor yesterday the convo went loosely like this:
"hello medicine man"
"hello Angelo"
"so gimme some good news, how do the results from the MRI look?"
"I have news. But I dont know how much of it you will consider good?"

He then went on to explain to me, that I have a lot of bone fragments in my knee, as well as a torn ACL. I have been walking on this for about 2 years, make that 2.5 years.
All the doctors I have seen have said nothing is wrong and I will be fine. I feel so relieved to know that something is actually wrong. I was beginning to think I was feeling phantom pain; that it was my imagination that made it so I can barely walk, jump, or run.
He has set up an appointment with the leading Knee surgeon in Canada.
Surgeon, that means that I will be getting a new knee soon. I have injured this one beyond repair because of the malpractice of others. Fuck i am going to be a cripple for the rest of my life.



In other news, i got a new nipple ring yesterday, i was bored of the old big ugly ring. Now i have a cute, petite barbel. I have been working out lately, so i am getting bigger. I can feel it. It feels good to work out, to find your limits, and push yourself past them. I love my hair the way it is right now. Its not to long or too short. It seems to be just perfect(i always shutter when i say something is perfect, in fear of god ruining it for me).



I love golden vannila from TCBY, but i am lactose. I always hype it up while eating it, and curse it when i am finished. Damn you frozen yogurt. Even though you are fat free.
DAMN YOU.
that is all.

killed softly at 12/09/2004 11:01:00 AM
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

You have to click the words to upload the pictures. Not the files.
Something i have to remember day in and day out.
No interesting emails today.
No hot gossip(that i can publish on here)
No cool pictures.
I do have the new msn though, i am excited about that.



No one else really has it, so i cant use it to its full extent. I am the New MSN pusher. everyone get it, so i can 'nudge' you and send you annoying 'winks'.



i have just been asked to do someones homework for them. I should have a diploma for all the work i have done over the past few years.
I accidentally inhaled some comet cleaning dust. Now i cant stop sneezing.

Ok so i have to do some research on MLK Jr. and the effect that he has had of the civil rights movement. Fuck, im not wired to write like that, I cant do the whole formal writing style thing.

Investigate Martin Luther King’s contribution to the American Civil Right’s movement. Note: this is not a topic about biography (although the Internet contains many biographical details); instead, focus on the Civil Rights movement. Relate your research to one or all of A Lesson Before Dying , Just Plain Folks or Fried Green Tomatoes For example, identify events in your novels which demonstrate the need for the civil rights achieved by King. This could be done in the last few paragraphs of your report.




I have a dream, that i will be able to help my friend write this while i am doing 6 other things at the same time.

and i did it. it took me a while, and it really sucks. but here it is:

The Civil Rights Movement started in the mid 50’s and in my opinion is still going on too this day. Martin Luther King Jr. is a name that is synonyms with Civil Rights. Busses were desegregated in the end of 1956, when Mr. King was elected to the Montgomery Improvement Association (MIA). He had a lead role in the boycott of segregated busses.
In 1957 King is made the president first of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. The SCLC is being used to organize the civil rights movement and bases its principles on nonviolence and civil disobedience. King never wanted civil rights movements to sink to the level of hate racists and hate mongers.
"We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline,” King urged his followers. This quote is a direct example of how peaceful and respectable of a man the reverend was.
1963 was a huge year for Civil Rights, and the reverend Martin Luther King. MLK was arrested in early 1963 during anti-segregation protests in Birmingham, Ala. This is when he wrote the infamous “Letter From Birmingham City Jail” Saying that all people had a civil duty to disobey unjust laws.
During the summer of 63’ Mr. King delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech, which is still viewed as the most influential, empowering civil rights speech ever written.
Not much more is heard from Martin Luther King through the early 60’s. During this time, the black panthers were formed, and Malcolm X had started raising awareness of the need for civil rights.
Unfortunately in April 1968 Martin Luther King is assassinated by escaped convict and committed racist James Earl Ray. He was shot while standing on his hotel’s balcony. Even too this day, people follow his views and writings as to keep the civil balance in order.


killed softly at 12/08/2004 10:02:00 AM
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Monday, December 06, 2004



Yesterday I spend the day in the psych ward of the hospital. It was not really cool. I was not prepared for the things I witnessed. The people there have a lot more problems then I could ever have, it really opened my eyes, and showed me that life is worth living.
There were many different types there: the girl pumped full of so much lithium, that she doesn't even notice that she is walking in circles. The man with 7 personalities, he has music pumping on headphones, as to drown out the voices in his head. Occationally you can still hear him yelling things at himself.
My friend who is staying there is calm compared to the rest. She looks like a delicate flower, but don't let that fool you, she is more deadly then the bride in Kill Bill.



They want to discharge her today, cause she was caught stealing drugs from the X-Ray room. They think she was going to use them to get high, but she was going to use them to off herself.
I have to go in today and talk to the doctor and explain that she is not ready to be discharged. They are treating her like a junky, not a patient, which I find to be very unfair. She had no privileges when I went to see her yesterday. They let some real crazies come and go as they please.

Dance for me please.

killed softly at 12/06/2004 11:35:00 AM
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Saturday, December 04, 2004



I got my hair cut, and people were telling me i looked like al pachino from scarface. I went out in style last night, i was dressed to kill. I love going to parties where i only know 1 or 2 people out of 100. I love to mix and mingle with new people, i am a new people person.



So, last night i went to canyon creek, for a joint birthday party, i ate some great dinner with some friends, and watched the party fill out. People drank and drank like it was the end of the world. It seems that people drink like that all the time, they have to get every last drop, till the straw makes that nasty noise that is ever so annoying. Its like "hey, you know you are at a bar right? and they wont run outta booze anytime soon, enjoy your drinks like respectable adults"


these are the bday boys.



So we all went to lucid, where things got seriously silly. It was dangerous. We had the VIP lounge, where we could honestly do anything we wanted. We were all smoking, and people girls were getting mounted, and making out. The place was very dizying with drunken excitement. It must have been a full moon last night, cause i was seeing things like i had never seen before, and i have seen a lot.



The past week or so of my life, havve reaalllly fucked with me. I have been tested to my limits on almost everyday, but i have managed to keep things together and stay on the ball, keeping my eyes on the prize. All should be well soon.

killed softly at 12/04/2004 08:40:00 PM
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