This Is The Most Public of My Many Humiliations
Thursday, September 30, 2004
This is a picture of a little girl. She is a daughter of a man in my class that calls me Anthony. Anthony, Angelo very similar so I can forgive him.
I wrote my first test today, and got a decent mark on it. The class marked each others tests, and I was chosen to distribute the tests to the people in my class. I handed them all out, and when I got to my own test I devised a plan, and gave it to the guy who has been calling me Anthony for the past month.
"here you go" I say to him "you get to mark my test"
he looks at the name, then gave me an embarrassed look. He probably wondered why I didn't just tell him my name was Angelo, and not Anthony. But I think it was much more fun this way, don't you? He now probably thinks I am very strange, which I am.
I saw this girl today when I was on break during class, she had these short dreads and was wearing a dress with these big fishnets, her dress was held together by safety pins, and she was really hot. She kept staring at me with these puppy dog eyes, I knew she wanted to talk to me but she seemed shy. I was just about to talk to her, when a friend from class came and began discussing the test with me. She let out a little 'sigh' and left.
Today I got a lot accomplished, I first went and got my film developed into negatives, so I could take them to Motophoto and get them put on CD. Then, I went to get my Health card renewed. The line up was huge, but I walked in the door, and gave one of the girls at the counter a smile, and a wink, she then called me over and said I was next. The 'wink and smile' combo never fails. Nor does the 'wink and the gun', but you have to be a real man's man to pull of the 'wink and the gun'. I have not reached that status yet.
I always write better when I am tired, so most of my posts are going to be coming from all hours of the morning, when I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I am more creative when I cant think. I know that is strange and ironic, but it is true.
Im really enjoying my course, now that I have seen the fruits of my labor, I feel really proud. I showed some people in my class the pictures and they really liked them. I felt pride radiating off my body, something I have not felt in a very long time.
killed softly at 9/30/2004 01:03:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Many of you have asked me what exactly is the type of music i listen too, its very hard to explain the exact sound of it, so i have given you something to download, and listen too. Its drum and bass, my fave music. So now you all know, and knowing is half the battle.
click me
So my birthday. Where to start.
I didn't do much of anything today. Watched 'the girl next door', chilled with mast, and the timmah. They both went to bed at 9pm, and left me with nothing to do on my birthday. So I went to go and see a movie by myself. I saw garden state, which is quite possibly one of the greatest movies I have ever seen. It is up there with Eternal sunshine.
I sometimes wonder what people think of me, when they see me walk into the theater alone. Buy my ticket and popcorn alone.
I walk up the isle of the theater, looking at all the couples, and groups of friends, they make eye contact with me, then turn away. Strange. I think that maybe they are afraid of me. Is it strange to go to the movies alone? I have gone to see bowling for columbine twice, and both times I was alone. It was so worth it. My friends don't usually appreciate the movies I like. So I go and see them alone.
If you see someone alone in the movie theater don't think they are just creepy, or strange. Just think that maybe they have loser friends, with poor taste in films.
that is my mind, this is my birthday. Well was my birthday.
killed softly at 9/29/2004 01:35:00 AM
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
GSUSKING IS 22
So today is my birthday.
I am now 22 years old. I don't really know what I am going to do today, but I know it will be something fun. My throat is so sore, and I don't really know why. I went for a great dinner last night at La Costa, and watched some movies till early in the A.M today. Im going to get my pictures developed from yesterdays project. Which went really really well. I have never thought taking pictures of someone could be that much fun. I guess it all depends on who your model is.
You all will see when the pictures come in.
Im really tired today, and didn't wake up till well after 11am, that is strange for me. I am really excited for what is in store for me tonite. I don't really have anything planned, and I never really do.
I went to go and get my film processed so I could develop the pictures I took yesterday, and the lady told me that she would have to send out the B/W film to some where on the continent of Africa to get it processed. Cause no one does 'true black and white' processing anymore. So I have 2 choices, I can travel the globe looking for a place that does it on site, or I can go back to the girl and have her ship it off for me. All I want is a goddamn contact sheet and some negatives.
Sometimes my life is fun, most of the time it is drama.
I couldn't ask for anything less. I love where I am at right now, with all my friends. Especially one.
My Horoscope From the Toronto Star
Actress Janeane Garafalo shares your birthday. Your natural magnetism seduces people. Its because you're romantic and you have taste. You win the affection of others. Many of you have interesting diaries. You're a loyal friend with strong opinions. Solitude this year gives you a chance to learn something important.
Could that be anymore true about me? Fuck they must know something, cause they basically just summarized me in one paragraph. Well happy birthday to me.
that's it, that's all.
killed softly at 9/28/2004 11:33:00 AM
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Monday, September 27, 2004
so today, I have to shoot my first project. It has to be a portrait, which I hate. I did some practice yesterday. Working on my focal lengths and aperture settings.
I hope the weather stays crisp, and the sun stays out.
It's my birthday tomorrow. I turn 22. Ugnn I am getting so old. I don't have anything special planned as of yet. I just hope I get through another year. I have some sort of mono esque sickness right now. My throat is sore, IM constantly tired and my head is pounding.
"if you believe in love at first site, you never stop looking"
I watched the movie the forgotten last night, I really wish I didn't waste the money on it. Another stupid alien movie, with a crappy beginning, middle and end. I want to go and see 'Garden state'. I think that will be my birthday gift to myself. I know that I wont do anything special tomorrow. I will probably end up spending my birthday alone in my room, watching south park and studying for my test I have one wednesday.
The months lately have been passing like water through a sieve. So fucking fast the days go by in a blur of shutter speeds and aperture. God I am getting so old. I have to start buckling down if I ever plan on getting outta this city, province, COUNTRY.
Soon as I am better I am going to start running again, 5km a day(2.5M). Running is really good self therapy, you have a lot of time to think, but you don't think too deeply as your mind is clouded with thoughts about running, "look out for that dog shit", "remember to look both ways before crossing" ect. ect.
I just found my tripods, they were here the whole time. Yeah me.. im going to take some tylenol and finish off this roll of film
have a good one all.
killed softly at 9/27/2004 09:51:00 AM
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
On my way to marlers where dummy Robbie, Wally and I are going to
chaperone a party of 15 year old girls. I was all about megatouch
tonite. Now girls will just be megatouching me all nite. Nicole was at
my place for a bit and we were chillin. I'm now at the party now dubbed
jail bait. I have never seen so many drunk 15 year olds in my life. I
think its illegal for me just to be here.
I met these 2 girls they both had the same name. I stole them some beer once the keg ran on. The one with the red hair was especially good looking.
Gsuskings pick up line of the night:
'I would goto jail for you'
So now the party has ended the cops have come. That is usually my cue
to leave.
We have headed to sharkeys on the way (cue side story)
Today I was at 711 getting some penny candy and a slush. So I'm in theparking lot finishing my cig when this beauty rolls up in her X5. She unloads 2 kids outta the back and heads in the store. I start talk to my friend about how beautiful she was. And that I thought I was in love. She then begins walkin out of the 711. I quickly pick up my jaw off the ground, as she gives me a polite wave and a smile. I was on the phone and dumbfounded I wave back and nearly faint. I get into my friends car and we start driving away I was explaining to him that 'I wish I had talked to her' and 'I blew it'. Went home
thinking I would never see her again.
We pick up this young girl and she says to me. 'Hey I saw you today at
711'
Could this be the girl that had made my day earlier.
wow. Its you I reply do I know you or something"
"Yeah I'm *****"
This is a coincidence. Even though there are no coincidences are there
Lisa?
We all goto sharkys I drink my perrier and pretend to be an elitist I
buy the beauty a drink we chat for a while but she obviously found me
uninteresting. Blah its all good.
I went upstairs to talk to Nicole and run into possie this guy. I love
him he is a walking party.
As I type this story I have finally made a pilgrimage to my Megatouch
machine god in the past few days I must have pumped $100 into that thing
in the past week. My goal is have the high score in every game on the
machine. I'm slowly on my way to the top.
We left to come to wallys house where the party has turned into a e
party. I love my friends but I hate drugs. I honestly hate them.
We set up phony card piles with all our money and watches. God what a
night.
Its now 2 am.
killed softly at 9/25/2004 08:44:00 PM
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAWN
So last night, where to begin? I went to school and raped my presentation. I really like my class/teacher, they all seem to have a great sense of humor. I enjoyed presenting for them. After school I flew home to get ready for the night I had ahead of me.
I checked my messages and who had called me but the one Shawn Elise. It was her B-Day last night, and all her friends had stiffed her. She was downtown chilling with her sister, and wanted to see me.
So I arrive home, complete the 3 S'(shit, shower, shave) in record time, cause I left out the last S. Went to my friends Julian's house, get up the drive way when I can hear him talking about "not going out tonight"
"NOT GOING OUT TONIGHT?" I yell at him, he then goes on to tell me he is too wasted, ect. ect. It did not last too long when he saw how excited I was to go. So me Todd, Bj and Julian roll out. We get down town in good time, park the car, and start walking towards system soundbar. The line up is starting to get big, even for a wednesday night. We wait in the line, and these really really hot girls with brit accents start talking bout clockwork orange. That being my favorite movie I join their convo. I explain to them about the last chapter being banned, and them being from England its lucky that they have even seen the film, since of the ban on it there.
we finally get inside, and the sound was at the max level. My ears were ringing immediately, and still are right now. It was crisp sound though, sounded really really good, just really loud.
I immediately walk to the front of the room and start bouncing to the sounds of DJ Marcus.
Marcus' set ended a few minutes after I got there, next on the decks was Baily, a great DJ from the UK, here in Canada to throw down some serious sounds, his set was really fucking sick and made me go crazy. My phone started ringing, it was Shawn, she was calling me too tell me she was on the way. YEAH! Could this night get any better?
Shawn Elise arrived, I have not seen her in a couple of months, she looked really good I realized how much I actually missed her, and her crazy antics. She was wasted and having a shitty night, she said I was making it better but I find that hard to believe. She wouldn't come on to the dancefloor would just sit on the edge of the dance floor and watch me have a good time.
Around this time Goldie went on the turntables. For those of you who have no clue about what I am talking about. Goldie is a Drum and Bass dj and is also in the some Guy Richie films. His name is goldie for obvious reasons, he has a full gold grill, and wears so much gold jewelry its unreal. He fucking dropped the crazy tunes that made my body rock.
I don't think Demolition Man or Million Dan are ever leaving Toronto. Every where I go I run into these two. I think they must be producing some tune here with a Toronto DJ, cause they have been around for over a month.
I was getting ready to leave when Shawn Elise disappeared. If you are reading this I am sorry I left you there.
that's about it.
killed softly at 9/23/2004 11:36:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
So on in class on Monday I volunteered to do a presentation on the accessories of an SLR camera. My teacher said I needed too touch on at least 10 different things. I wonder if that includes lenses, like I could just talk about 5 different lens' then like tripods, auto winders and other stuff. This course is definitely not as easy as I first thought it was going to be. Im really trying to find info on all these camera accessories and it is really hard to find stuff on the internet. You search 'camera' you get either eBay sales on cameras, or porn. No information!
You search 'camera accessories' and you get eBay sales on lenses, tripods, and porn accessories.
I have figured that no matter what you search on the web you will always get eBay and porn. You have no choice. The internet is 50% porn and 50% eBay. Where have all the information sites gone, well the free information sites.
The internet has become useless to me for information. I am still ok with porn and buying stuff. But I need free information. Damn you.
Last night i went to madbar to listen to some intelegent Drum and Bass. It was some next level shit.
I am going to See Goldie tonite at Systems, i cant wait. I love drum n bass.
killed softly at 9/22/2004 01:01:00 PM
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I woke up this morning really late, to my sister walking in the house early from school. My head and body were unbelievably heavy, I could not move and could not figure out why. I felt like I was dreaming, everything was foggy, it was like I was drunk. I start asking her why she is home so early from school, she explained that it was a half day today, and had forgotten to tell my mom or dad this fact. She then asked me what smelled like gas. I immediately run into the kitchen to see that my gas stove is on, with no flame, just pumping gas into my house, into my lungs while I was sleeping. It must have been left on from when my mom made her breakfast. I turn it off and walk outside to get some fresh air. It was like getting slapped in the face, with the first breath I could feel the dizziness fade, it made me realize just how close I was to dying. If my sister did not have a half day today I would not be making this post, or any other for that matter. Then next thing written about me would be an obituary in the local paper. She came in around noon, so I was exposed to the fumes while sleeping for about 4 hours. I don't even think she realizes that she saved me, and since she is a just a little girl, I don't want to explain to her what just happened. I don't want to work her up, get her upset telling her that I almost just died. I wonder what it would have been like, to die that is. I don't think I would have felt any pain. I wonder how my friends/family would have reacted. You guys probably would have never found out I was dead. You would have thought that I had just quit my blog or something. That is strange. Its not like I could write on here from beyond the grave : "stop coming back, im dead y'all"
thinking about all this has kinda given me an Epiphany, I should stop wasting time self loathing and start enjoying life again. I was within inches to my death, but I truly believe that I was saved by some higher power. Not god or anything like that. But it is just a really big coincidence that my sister came home right in time, im sure I could not have inhaled more of that gas b4 finally passing, 4 hours is a long time. My head is really pounding right now, I wonder if I should goto the doctor, im sure that caused some more irreversible brain damage. From this day forward I promise to live every day to the fullest, not to play on my laptop for all hours of the day. You are all my witnesses.
For everyone who didnt have faith in me.
killed softly at 9/21/2004 01:15:00 PM
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
GSUSKING INVADES GUELPH
It all started when I was picked up from my house and we started the 30 min trek to Guelph. I was the entertainment on the ride up, me and my bottle of Perrier. We talked and talked then finally we got there. We went To Sean's Girlfriends house and began to party there with her and her roommates. Her dog humped the shit outta everyone's leg, I showed them my purses, then we left to the downtown core.
This place is a nice little joint. 1 small bar loaded to the tits with
pricey booze. The old ladies doing coke when I first walk in was a
surprise. Technically not doing it right in front of me but they were
higher then benjerman Franklin kite.
They sell shitty art on the walls,I feel strangely out of place in this city.
Me and Walt were walking to the bank, when I walked by this bench and
noticed Put a [gun] to my [head] sitting there. I think I scared the crap outta her by recognizing her and say "hello Liz" in a really creepy way. She was very nice and funny, sporting a cute strawberry hello kitty purse. She had never had a martini, and I am sure that she enjoyed her first.
My friends found these two napkins on the table with this chicks sadness
written all over them. I will transcribe them here for you:
"The bar we I'm in right now is filling up- a younger crowd now than was in here the last time(god at 22). My T-A tried to pick me up the last time I was at this place-creepy.
I expect you to waltz in wearing a white shirt, the one you used to wear when we were 'working'. The one you unbuttoned at the top the night we all went to the community dance. You had looked into my eyes as we were dancing. I loved your arm around me. I had expected us to dance on each others toes, the way we had all year before we acknowledged mutual affection.
But now it seems as if you are not coming & again I will be left waiting for your call. It seems as if all is working, at last a casual love affair."
we all sat around in the back corner keeping to our selves. The place
was far too elitist for all of us.
The place was just getting packed as we left.
We left the 'E bar' and headed down the street to the palace. I have
never been in this city whilst sober, and it is really nice.
"Its a big city in a small town" said Joanna today. She is one of terra
friends/roommates and is very nice, and not to bad looking if I do say so
myself.
We went to the 'direct access' line, which is essentially the line for
people who don't want to wait in line. It costs 10 bucks, and you get
access to all the bars in the complex which are:
"The Palace"- a club type atmosphere filled with first years drunk
girls, "Trappers Alley"- which is a like a pub type atmosphere with Pool
tables and 1$ pizza, and then there is "underground"- it is a vampire
club, I try to say outta there its in the basement and very dark and
strange. I found myself down there at some point last year and did not
like it very much.
So we walk into the palace to start, pay cover get our bracelets and head
for the stage.
My friend Jax(masta's step sister) works on the stage at the shooter
bar. She is really a good friend and works really hard at what she
does. After saying hello to her I headed downstairs to 'trappers' for
some 1$ pizza, ate a few slices then went outside for a smoke. I spent
the whole night outside smoking and talking to people. I like the
atmosphere outside much better. You can see people in real light, and
it is much easier to talk to people when the music isn't blowing out your
eardrums. I walk back in 'the palace' to go and talk to Jax some more
when my friends tell me that we are leaving. So we started walking home
back to Sean's. We sat there for a while, watching TV and shooting the
shit.
Jax called me when she got off work and she came by chilled for a
n hour or so then went home. That is the last thing I remember before
passing out.
I woke up today to Sean saying we were going to his moms horse ranch, I
am really glad we went. We played with his dog Mikey. And watched his
mom ride the horse. Joanna tried to fight me, but then I scared her so
she didn't bother. It was a beautiful day, I love horses.
killed softly at 9/19/2004 07:54:00 PM
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Saturday, September 18, 2004
This is Lauren, and snowbunny I ran into the two of them at sharkeys last night. They were both really drunk, and really fun. I went there with Katherine and her friend from London. We drove back from London yesterday evening and decided to goto PrimeSlime to indulge on some chicken wings and some megatouch.
It was around 1am when we were leaving PrimeSlime and were getting ready to go home, when I was like "ft lets goto sharkeys" I saw a fair amount of old friends and beautiful women.
Katherine is probably the nicest person to me in the world. She knows just what to do to make me smile. Thanks Kat, you know I love you.
Jay was doing some crazy robot shit on the dance floor, people were loving him, it is a now official, Jay Jorge the man with 2 first names is cool. Some dare say he is the coolest, I say he is a close second to me, but everyone is allowed their opinion.
Jay is the little guy in the Canada jersey
I am going to Guelph this evening to see what I can see. Yes, see what I can see. I don't really know why I am going but I am. Its the biggest drunk city ever. I plan on faking drunk and trying to fall down believably. I hope all goes well there. Its Mr. biddell, his lady friend and I, in a car to Guelph, can you say 3rd wheel?
I don't really care though, I am a unicycle, I only need one wheel to be chillin.
Im a loner baby, a rebel. You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me.
on that note:
killed softly at 9/18/2004 01:43:00 PM
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